DECEMBER 28th

December 28th was something straight out of a dream!!

I stand by my opinion that we had the absolute best vendor team. I was in awe of their professionalism and talent, along with their kindness and dedication (would you believe that our wedding installation took three whole days and 100+ people working on it?).

Planner: Debbie Anderson Wedding and Events - @debbieandersonweddings

Catering: Gilded Gatherings - @gilded_gatherings

Rentals: Native Events - @nativeevents

Cake: Cake by Kenna - @cakebykenna

Florist: Mille Fleur Design - @millefleurdesign

Photographer - Kenzie Victory - @kenzievictory

Videographer: Carly Jensen - @clickedbycarly

Venue - The Acre - @theacreaz

ON FILM

BRIDALS

TEMPLE

DETAILS

BRIDAL PARTY & FAMILY

COCKTAIL HOUR

RECEPTION

Perfection on Instagram: James Carey's Ritual Model in Real Time

The plague of perfectionism is one that has grown greatly in recent years. A study by the American Psychological Association posits that perfectionism among youth increased by an average of 33 percent in the past 27 years, and social media could be a contributing factor to that increase (Curran, 2017). We’ve likely all heard the adage, “comparison is the thief of joy.” This holds unequivocally true in a recent study published in the psychology journal Personality and Individual Differences. The study, which tested “whether perfectionism is a vulnerability factor for distress among female adolescents in the context of appearance-focused social comparison and use of social media” (Etherson et al, 2022, 1), found staggering results that, yes, social media greatly contributed to perfectionism. Not only is perfectionism prevalent in general, but the study found that both rigid and self-critical perfectionism played a role. Rigid perfectionism is defined as an insistence that an individual’s own performance must be perfect and only feel worthwhile only if and when perfect, whereas self-critical perfection is the tendency to be self-critical due to perceived failures to live up to high standards and excessive concern of the evaluation of others. So where is the danger in this? In order to fully understand that, we must first consider James Carey’s Ritual Model of Communication. 

When it comes to communication, there are two main models that explain how we send and receive information: the transmission model and the ritual model. The transmission model is typically what we think of when communicating. It includes an encoder, a message, and a decoder. The encoder sends a message, which gets received and then decoded by the decoder. Simple, right? 

The ritual model is more unconventional and advanced. When more advanced technology and sources of mass communication came into play, James Carey, a cultural studies theorist, developed the ritual model. The theory holds that “communication is a symbolic process whereby reality is produced, maintained, repaired, and transformed” (Sen, 2016). Carey compares consuming media under this theory to attending Catholic Mass; he believes that by reading the newspaper, scrolling a social media platform, or watching a TV series, we are not simply encoding and decoding information but participating in a ritual that shares our way of thinking, thus actively creating the society that we live in. 

In simple terms, the ritual model is a way of constructing our reality and building our identity. For many people, Instagram, Facebook. Twitter, Pinterest, TikTok and other forms of social media provide the perfect foundation for this construction and building of reality and identity, even when what we portray as “reality” is not even close to real. These platforms allow users to crop, filter, photoshop, and facetune away whatever imperfections or blemishes may be apparent. Users are able to share their best moments, leading to an obsession in regards public appearance and perception.. Ultimately, perfectionism is a discrepancy between idealized and actual appearances; it's the ritual model in real time, building and creating the society we live in, sinking us deeper and deeper into a false and unattainable vision of reality and leaving many feeling inadequate, unworthy, unloved, anxious, and increasingly self-conscious.


Resources:

Curran, T. (2017). Perfectionism is increasing over time - apa.org. apa.org. Retrieved November 3, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-bul0000138.pdf

Etherson, M. E., Curran, T., Smith, M. M., Sherry, S. B., & Hill, A. P. (2022, February). Perfectionism as a vulnerability following appearance-focussed social comparison: A multi-wave study with female adolescents. sciencedirect.com. Retrieved November 3, 2022, from https://www-sciencedirect-com.lopes.idm.oclc.org/science/article/pii/S1541461221001075

Sen, B. (2016, January 29). Information as Ritual: James Carey in the Digital Age. journals.sagepub.com. Retrieved November 3, 2022, from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1532708615625687

Convergence in Media Literacy and Spiritual Literacy

 

“You’re what we call il-li-ter-ate.” I can still hear those taunts from my fifth grade reading buddies because I, a kindergartener, struggled with reading and they simply wanted their mandatory class service assignment checked off. I didn’t know what “illiterate” meant then, but I felt that receiving that label wasn’t a compliment

I’ve now learned the definition of what it means to be illiterate and on a deeper level, I’ve learned the power that comes from being literate in a literal, cultural, and spiritual sense.

Media literacy is described as “the process of critically analyzing media content by considering its particular presentation, underlying political or social messages, and its media ownership or regulation that may affect the type of context we receive” (Pavlik and McIntosh, 35).  Essentially, media literacy is analyzing and assessing the information around us. Literacy in this aspect is becoming increasingly more important as we are forced to shuffle through a myriad of voices and opinions to learn for ourselves what “the truth” really is. In addition, life demands that we make choices and in some cases very crucial, life-altering choices. In order to make well informed choices, we must know where to go for information, who to trust, and what to believe. Media literacy plays a role in this as it allows us to be agents instead of objects. Being media literate requires us to evaluate our assumptions about a subject and subsequently investigate and interrogate those assumptions to come to a well-informed and sound conclusion, thus allowing us to take control rather than be controlled by the voices and information blasted into our ears (sometimes literally) every minute of every day. 

Spiritual literacy is much the same in that sense. Though it is hard to quantify and measure knowledge and beliefs when it comes to religion and spirituality, the same process and general principles of media literacy apply here too. In fact, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, asking questions and seeking answers is the doctrinal backbone to our spirituality. We are counseled by the Lord all throughout the scriptures to “[a]sk, and it shall be given…; seek and [we] shall find; knock, and it shall be opened…” (Matthew 7:7; Luke 11:9; 3 Nephi 14:7).

In his October 2009 general conference address, then Elder Russell M. Nelson spoke of this topic exactly, emphasizing and elaborating on the counsel to ask, seek, and knock. First, we must ask sincerely and intentionally. In a spiritual sense, this may mean that we genuinely intend to follow the counsel we receive. When putting this into the context of media literacy, this may mean setting aside biases and digging to find the truth, not just settling for a short but possibly inaccurate answer that satisfies the narrative we want to be true. Second, we study the question. This looks like going to multiple sources, reflecting on personal experiences, speaking with people who may be considered “experts” or have experience with the question or topic. In some circumstances, this step may involve both the head AND the heart–what IS right and also what FEELS right according to our personal morals and virtues–and on occasion, lots of time, patience, perseverance and dedication to get to an answer. 

I have no doubt that God is still very much involved in our efforts to become media literate. He cares just as much about our temporal concerns, needs and wants just as much as he cares about our spiritual concerns, needs, and wants. If we follow the commandment he has given to ask, seek, and knock, we will be led to sources of truth and knowledge.

 

I am innately good.

 
IMG_9408.jpg

I’ve always understood that I have two identities: a human identity & an eternal identity. But I often get frustrated when the two don’t match up. I struggle to intentionally choose to believe in my innate & inherent value & goodness.


In speaking of the Pauline theology of the natural man, Brigham Young said,

“It is fully proved in all the revelations that God has ever given to mankind that they naturally love and admire righteousness, justice and truth more than they do evil. It is, however, universally received by professors of religion as a Scriptural doctrine that man is naturally opposed to God. Paul says, in his Epistle to the Corinthians, ‘But the natural man receiveth not the things of God,’ but I say it is the unnatural ‘man that receiveth not the things of God.’... The natural man is of God. We are the natural sons and daughters of our natural parents, and spiritually we are the natural children of the Father of light and natural heirs to his kingdom; and when we do an evil, we do it in opposition to the promptings of the Spirit of Truth that is within us. Man, the noblest work of God, was in his creation designed for an endless duration, for which the love of all good was incorporated in his nature. It was never designed that he should naturally do and love evil. When our first parents fell from their paradisiacal state, they were brought in contact with influences and powers of evil that are unnatural and stand in opposition to an endless life. So far as mankind yield to these influences, they are so far removed from a natural to an unnatural state—from life to death.”
— (Complete Discourses of Brigham Young Vol. 4, 2020)


It’s a tactic of the adversary to make us believe that we are bad, that we are unworthy, that it is not naturally within us to do good.


But we are innately good.

Further reading:

“Our Identity and Our Destiny” Tad R. Callister (devotional address)

“Our Identity” Mind. Body. Purpose. (podcast)

“He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home” Dieter F. Uchtdorf (conference talk)

“Roots and Branches” Russell M. Nelson (conference talk)

 

Earth Day: Sustainability & Fast Fashion

 

I recently asked my Instagram followers some questions regarding fast fashion and sustainability in the fashion industry. Most said they’ve heard of fast fashion, a little over half felt that they understood it, but ALL (yes, 100%) said they wanted to learn more about fast fashion and it’s environmental impact. So, I’m bringing it here, so all of you can learn more about it, be more informed consumers, and be a little kinder to our Mother Earth.

Back in the day, brands would plan clothes months in advance for each season—spring, summer, fall, and winter. Consumers would go buy the clothes they needed for that specific season, and come back the next season when new clothes were out. “Fast fashion” describes apparel that moves quickly from catwalk to stores to meet new trends. But now, due to increased consumerism, more affordable pricing in the industry, and the convenience of online shopping, people are purchasing clothing in higher quantities and more often. This forces retailers to produce more to stay “on-trend”. Many of what retailers produce doesn’t get purchased, and is burnt or thrown out. The resources used to create the clothing is wasted and causes serious damage to the environment.

According to the United Nations Alliance for Sustainable Fashion, the $2.4 trillion industry accounts for 8-10% of greenhouse gas emissions. Part of the problem is due to the fact that production of an article of clothing goes through middleman, after middleman, after middleman.

For example, let’s hypothetically take a basic cotton t-shirt. The cotton itself is grown in, let’s say, Brazil. Once it’s harvested, it goes to China to be woven into fabric and dyed. After that, the fabric goes to Honduras to be cut and assembled and eventually makes it’s way on the market where you can purchase it through a retailer and have it shipped straight to your doorstep. Along the way, all these materials are leaving a trail of wastewater, industrial chemicals, air pollution, and carbon.

Cotton itself is a difficult crop to grow. It requires a lot of water and a lot of pesticides. Cotton alone uses more than 15% of all the insecticides used for any crop anywhere in the world. In order to be processed into fibers, detergents and scouring agents are used to take away the natural waxes that come with the cotton ball. It goes through a ginner and gets spun, and then coated with chemicals because the fibers are not strong. They need sizing (a sort of starch) that later gets washed off, but is bad for the rivers that receive them. Cotton also doesn’t accept dye, so more chemicals are needed for the dye to come together. That’s quite a lot of environmental damage just for the cotton alone.

So, what sort of regulations are in place to prevent this? Hardly any. The EPA has it’s rules and regulations, but with the recent wave of globalization, manufacturing has left US shores; 80% of textile factories operate outside of the US.

However, in France, a woman named Brune Poirson from the Ministry of Ecological and Inclusive Transition, enacted a policy banning fashion companies from destroying their own merchandise. It seems silly, but this is very common. High fashion brands destroy unsold apparel at the end of a season to prevent them from being sold sold second-hand or discounted, as that affects brand equity. Fast fashion brands produce so much merchandise that they just can’t get rid of, and it’s too much to try to sell or donate. France’s policy has caused brands to be more responsible with what they’re producing and better at tracking supply and demand.

This is a very basic overview of fast fashion and it’s environmental impacts and barely scratches the surface. Essentially, what consumers fail to realize is that their clothing is way more than just clothing. Each piece has it’s own carbon and the price of the item extends far beyond and much deeper than the price tag. So next time you go out shopping, really think about what you’re purchasing and if it’s really worth it.

For further reading:

“The Troubling Ethics of Fashion in the Age of Climate Change,” Washington Post Magazine (article)

“What Is Fast Fashion, Anyway?” The Good Trade (article)

“The True Cost of Fast Fashion,” Economist (video)

“Why It Matters: Wearing Out the World,” Council on Foreign Relations (podcast)*

“The Wizard and The Prophet: Two Remarkable Scientists and Their Visions to Shape Tomorrow’s World,” by Charles C. Mann (book)

*this podcast is the main source I used to gather information for this piece

**this book talks more about climate change and the future as a whole, but focuses a lot on the environmental impact of our actions (such as how we interact with the fashion industry, as discussed here

 

Holy Week: Prelude

 

With Holy Week beginning tomorrow, I’ve begun studying the actions of Jesus Christ during the last week of His life. Though His imminent death was quickly approaching, Jesus, being the perfect and selfless Savior that He is, continued teaching, ministering, and serving those around Him during this final week of His mortal life.

Raising Lazarus From The Dead, Carl Bloch

One of the most touching examples of this occurs in John 11. In this chapter, Jesus travels to the town of Bethany, just outside of Jerusalem. He was called by Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters, who tell him that Lazarus is sick. By the time He reaches Bethany, Lazarus has been dead for four days.

The sisters desperately wanted Jesus to heal Lazarus, and the pain and sorrow of waiting for the Savior’s arrival, but ultimately losing their brother was likely near heartbreaking. In verse 20, we read:

“20 Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house.”

Though both were grieving, they handled this grief in different ways, as we see here. One came running, the other waited.

“21 Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

22 But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.

23 Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

24 Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day.

25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live

26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

27 She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.”

In this interaction, Jesus reminded Martha of doctrine, inviting her to testify, even if it was simply to herself. He spoke with Martha, providing words of peace and comfort.


He then goes to Mary.

“32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping....he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said, Lord, come and see.

35 Jesus wept.”

Jesus wept.

He didn’t try to console her like He had Martha, but still seeing her overcome with grief, He cried with Mary.

Not only does this example show that Christ has endless compassion, empathy, and love for us, it shows that He knows us and understands us. Jesus taught Martha. Jesus wept with Mary. He ministered differently to each of them, according to their needs, but both are acts of His profound love.

Similarly, He knows us, so personally, intimately, and individually that He knows how to perfectly minister and reach out to us.

Jesus Wept, James Tissot


For further reading:

John 11 (the chapter in it’s entirety)

Lazarus Is Raised from the Dead (video)

Rob Gardener’s I Am the Resurrection (song)



 

Philadelphia & Washington, DC

 

I’m currently on day 10 of social distancing, reminiscing on my trip to Philly and DC pre-pandemic pandemonium. We came home on Tuesday, and by Thursday the NBA, NHL, MLB, and MLS announced the postponement of the upcoming season, the borders were closed, museums closed and public tours were discontinued for the time being, so our timing could not have been more perfect.

The highlight of the trip (for me, at least): the whole 10 minutes I spent in the National Gallery juuusst before it closed!

Independence Hall

Picturesque doorways in Philadelphia

Christ Church, where George Washington and Betsy Ross worshipped. Benjamin Franklin is buried in the adjacent cemetery.

Ran up the Rocky steps! (Fun fact: Justin Bieber was at this exact spot minutes before we got there. We barely missed him. One more lonely girl.)

Still swooning over the train station in DC

Pro tip: Don’t get the orange blossom flavor, it tastes like sunscreen.

Paid tribute to MY queens, Jackie O. and Nancy Reagan at the Museum of American History

The views from the Lincoln Memorial cannot be beat.

Vietnam Memorial. Though it may just look like a wall, every aspect of it has purpose and symbolism.

George and Martha Washington’s Mount Vernon. The key to Bastille (the French prison that was stormed, sparking the French Revolution) hangs in the home as a gift from Lafayette to Washington.

Arlington National Cemetery

View from the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Long live American Camelot

The cherry blossom trees were just starting to bloom at Arlington. They are so beautiful!

We got a tour of the Capitol Building and saw the hallway the presidents walk through on their way to their inauguration. Maybe I’ll be there one day.

The Apotheosis of Washington in the Capitol rotunda. Read up on the meaning and symbolism!

In my element at the National Gallery of Art and trying to take in everything before they kicked me out for closing

I came specifically to see this, Thomas Cole’s Voyage of Life.

Touring The White House (which has a red room, a green room, a blue room, a china room and, most importantly, a soccer field.)

 

September 11th

 
 

I was 6 years old when I first remember being exposed to the terrors of the 9/11 attacks.

I was sitting in the upstairs loft at my grandma’s house with my dad, watching Philippe Petit walk a tightrope between the two towers.

“It’s too bad those buildings aren’t standing anymore,” my dad had said.

“Those two tall ones? Both of them? They’re gone?” My little brain couldn’t comprehend how two tremendously tall buildings just disappeared. My dad turned on a documentary of the attacks and I watched in horror as the planes hit the towers, men and women jumped out of windows, even more terrified when the buildings collapsed, absorbed into a giant cloud of smoke.

I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t a fictional movie I was watching. These people weren’t paid actors who played dead and revived as soon as the director yelled cut. These were real people, who had kissed their husbands, wives, parents, children goodbye that morning as they left for work, never coming home for dinner. I didn’t understand

I turned from the TV and looked at my dad, who was visibly shaken up even then, six years after the attack.

“But why, dad? Why would they do that?”




***


Flash forward 11 years later and I find myself at the 9/11 Memorial Museum in New York City, still asking myself the same question, but understanding more of the complexity behind it all. I now understood the tension between the US and Middle East, the work that went on inside the World Trade towers, and the terrorist group responsible for the attacks.

The museum itself had a kind of reverence to it. Not the kind of reverence you feel at a church service. More of a somber reverence, if there can be such a thing.

The first thing you see is a large photograph of the New York City skyline, taken only minutes before the first plane hit the North Tower. It’s a pretty, serene photo taken on a seemingly normal day. People made their usual commute to work, parents packed lunches for their children’s first day of classes, for many it was a regular day. Little did they know that 120, maybe 180, seconds later, the world would change drastically.

“On that day, everyone’s sense of history changed. Going forward, there would always be the time before 9/11, and the time after.”
— Robert DeNiro


In Memoriam, an exhibit honoring the nearly 3,000 people killed, tells the heartbreaking stories that remind us of our humanity. Their photos line the walls all around. The youngest killed was two and a half, the oldest eighty-five. Those killed came from over 90 countries, with different religious beliefs and ethnicities. Tragedy stops for no one, it seems. Among those killed were Calvin Joseph Gooding, a thirty-eight-year old trader with an office on the 104th floor and a wife who was eight months pregnant, and Joseph Gerard Leavey, a fireman who made it to the 78th floor before the building collapsed, leaving three children behind.

The Ground Zero exhibit was the most haunting, eerie, yet touching part of the memorial. A loud chirping sound plays throughout the room. The sound emanates from a Personal Alert Safety System device, or a man-down beeper. The beeper sounds a high-pitched alarm if a firefighter doesn’t move for thirty seconds. The sound is nearly deafening.

On the other side of the room, a video of lower Manhattan plays. The footage was filmed by composer Willian Basinski during the last hours of daylight on September 11th, 2001. The beeping of the alert devices are still apparent, but faded. The soundtrack at this point is from a piece Basinski digitized while it physically deteriorated just before 9/11. It was ironic, listening to a deteriorating tape while watching buildings collapse in a deteriorating world.

I spent four hours in the museum, and I could have spent more if my heart could have taken it.




***

photo via




“A great people has been moved to defend a great nation.
Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.”
— George W. Bush



I still ask myself the same question I had as a six-year-old.

Why?

It’s not right. It’s not justified. And I still wonder why.

photo via

 

The MET

 

Egyptian Wing

The American Wing

European Paintings

European Sculpture & Decorative Arts

Fire, ca. 1750-40

by Jean-Pierre Defrance

Boiserie from the Hôtel de Cabris, Grasse, ca. 1774

The Virgin from an Annunciation, ca. 1390

Amor Caritas, 1880-98

by Augustus Saint-Gaudens

Diana, 1893-94

by Augustus Saint-Gaudens

Basket of Flowers, 1848-49

by Eugène Delacroix

The Little Fourteen-Year-Old Dancer, 1922

by Edgar Degas

The Dance Class, 1874

by Edgar Degas

Chrysanthemums in the Garden at Petit-Gennevilliers, 1893

by Gustave Caillebotte

Water Lilies, 1919

by Claude Monet

The Daughters of Catulle Mendès, Huguette, Claudine, Helyonne, 1888

by Auguste Renoir

The Manneporte (Ètretat), 1883

by Claude Monet

Washington Crossing the Delaware, 1851

by Emanuel Leutze

Ernesta (Child with Nurse), 1894

by Cecilia Beaux

 

America

 

Independence Day has been a big deal in my family for as long as I can remember. This time of year brings back a flood of memories of parading around Plain City, Utah in Grandpa Jensen’s fire truck and eating saltwater taffy (the saltwater taffy we were meant to be throwing at those watching the parade) and chicken scrambles and late-night fireworks shows (and the consequential mosquito bites that showed up the next morning).

But despite all that, I don’t know that I can honestly say that I’ve fully participated in the holiday. I guess I’ve never understood the significance of it or given much thought to how blessed I should feel to live in a land where I’m given so many freedoms.

I guess spending time away from America will help you realize that.

If you’ve been keeping up with me lately, you’ll know that I just got back from Ghana, Africa. I spent much of my time mingling with the locals, mostly elementary and middle school-aged children, watching their eyes light up with curiosity and wonder whenever I told stories about America. To them, America is this amazing promised land, so grand it’s almost unbelievable.

Meanwhile, to many of it’s citizens, the significance of our country is simply something we passively think about from time to time.

I find my self logging in to social media or checking major news networks and getting angry over the mess and hostility within American society and the political arena.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be ashamed to be American.

…

My grandpa was 18 when he enlisted in the army. Maybe it was the urge to make something of himself and make a difference, or maybe it was the lure to get out of his small hometown and out into the world that motivated him to enlist. Whatever the reason, the army changed him.

…

“May 21, 1945, Germany

Dearest Mother,

I haven’t heard from you for quite sometime but I guess the mail is messed up again.

I haven’t told you what I have been doing or whether I was in combat or not, because I knew you would just worry. The last 5 months I have saw some of the worst horrors of war that you wouldn’t believe unless you saw them with your own eyes. Last winter I was hauling ammunition right up to the front. Sometimes we would be up all night hauling because the Germans could see us in daylight and it would be impossible to get in only at night. There would be shells land all around us and you could hear small arms firing all around you, then you would get some kind of feeling that you can’t explain. I guess the only one who knows what it is like is the one that has them experiences. I had some pretty close calls but I guess it wasn’t my time. It is all over, over here now and if I never see any more action it would suit me just fine.

The worst thing I have ever seen in all my life was when we was spearheading with the Infantry and we ran into one of Hitler’s Concentration Camps before they could hide the evidence. Maybe you saw some of the pictures in the papers but that was nothing like seeing them with your own eyes. There were about 300 Jews starved to death then some of them was half burned. Then out in the field there was about 30 digging graves, but we were coming too fast so the Germans shot them right there and then tried to get away. But they failed. I don’t see how anyone can be so inhumane. It is one of those things that is better to forget. I could go on forever I guess and tell you of the experiences I have had but they are all the horrors of war and I guess it would be better to forget them all. But after a fellow sees them things day after day they are sometimes pretty hard to forget.

It is 12:00 o’clock and I better go to bed because I go on guard in two more hours.

Will write soon again

Your loving son

Blaine”

…

My grandpa often talked of the inhumanity and horrors of that World War and had a firm belief that America could be, should be, and had to be different. America could not succumb to tyranny, but had to continue being a light and source of courage for so many in the world.

I think of him, and those like him who sealed that belief with their blood, and I realize that I should not be ashamed to be American. I should be proud of it.

So here’s to accepting the failings and shortcomings, vowing to do better and be better, and honoring the beauty and sacrifice in this exceptional country.

Capitol Building. Washington, DC

Gettysburg National Cemetery. Pennsylvania.

 

Cape Coast, Ghana

 

The post you are currently reading is my 4th attempt at conveying the many ways in which three weeks in Ghana impacted me.

Who would have thought that an impulse decision made on a leap of faith would be so significant and completely alter the course of my life.

In all honesty, I didn’t choose Ghana for my HEFY expedition. Although I wanted to go on a trip with HEFY, it didn’t seem logical to spend my last summer at home in a third-world country when I should be studying for the ACT and prepping for senior year and university admissions and adulthood. But sitting in sacrament meeting one rainy Sunday, I thought, “just go”. So I got registered, waitlisted, and left the rest completely up to fate.

It would be 4 weeks before I learned that I would be serving in Cape Coast, Ghana, and I cried because I really felt that was where I was meant to be. 

And thus began my love affair with the country and people of Ghana.



Three things learned in three weeks:

Gratitude

The first weekend hit me with a wave of homesickness and anxiety to the point that I spent the second night in Ghana on the bathroom floor vomiting (and having no contact with family and friends made it that much worse).I thought for sure I would be sent home. But thanks to a heartfelt priesthood blessing and the support of my group (truly the greatest group, I lucked out!), I stayed. I’m so grateful I was able to overcome that and carry out the service I had intended to do.

I learned quickly that you really do have to be grateful for what you have. I couldn’t think about the comforts and luxuries I enjoyed at home, because it only intensified the homesickness. I couldn’t think about my warm shower, I had to learn to be grateful to have running water at all (even though it was cold and unclean and I had to shower with a bucket). I learned to be grateful for electricity, even though the rooms were so dimly lit, because there were so many that didn’t even have that. I learned to be grateful for the food, even though the meals were so foreign and some unfavorable, because there were so many who struggled to get even one meal a day. I learned to be grateful for somewhat warm, hose-tasting water, because clean, purified water was a rarity in the area. 

When you take the time to recognize it , there is SO much to be grateful for, regardless of however messy the circumstances may be.

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions”
— Mosiah 24:14

Building a Foundation

As the first group to tackle this project, we were tasked with building the foundation. We left the site everyday completely exhausted and sore and fatigued from the physical labor. We dug deep to make trenches and exerted so much energy to mix and pour concrete, only to have our hard work leveled out and covered up.

It reminded me of that primary song about the wise man building his house upon a rock. Building your house on a rock isn’t as easy and straightforward as that song makes it seem. You really have to dig deep. You have to dig away the dirt of sins and distractions and temptations until you get to the solid bedrock, and then you can build from there. It’s not a one-time thing or something you can accomplish overnight. It takes strength and endurance and faith and lots of time spent digging and working for it.

It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that no one would ever actually see the work we had done, and to many, it may look like we did absolutely nothing since it would all eventually just be covered up. But that foundation is the most important part. Without it, nothing else matters, because everything else would fall apart.

It made me wonder. What was my foundation? What was I building my life and my testimony on? 

At the end of the day, if we don’t have a firm foundation built on Christ, nothing else matters, because without it, everything else falls apart.

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”
— Helaman 5:12

The Light of Christ

There’s one thing that I will always remember about Ghana, and that’s the light. It’s hard to explain it if you haven’t felt it. 

In a place where people have so little, they give so much, and there’s so much light in them. 

One lady brought us coconuts on the worksite, which to us just looked like a kind gesture, but to her was a sacrifice. That was her livelihood.

The owner of the restauraunt we visited heard about the service we were doing and didn’t charge us for our meal.

One man came to work with us on the worksite every afternoon, unpaid and usually without shoes because his flip flips had holes in them.

“But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.”
— Moroni 7:13

I learned so much about love, kindness, sacrifice, and dedication in the three weeks I was there. The kindest, most hard-working people I’ve ever known are in Cape Coast, Ghana, and I’ll forever remember them.

So medaase, Ghana. I love you.

Women in Ghana carry everything on their heads.

Digging and digging and digging…

…and more digging

The all-girls cement mixing team. The boys could neverrrr

Sunday walks to church

This is Zuri. She called me Mother Ry, but with her accent it sounded more like “MuddaWy”. She was always by my side. Even at the worksite, she would climb into a wheelbarrow next to where I was laying bricks and watch until I was done and we could play again. I miss her so, so much.

This is Olivia. The first thing she said to me was, “You are beautiful!” She always came to hang with us at the worksite when her school got out for the day.

The worksite

Remember when I said they carry EVERYTHING on their heads?


 

Easter Thoughts

I wanted to create a nice posts about the Atonement and resurrection of Christ, but I don’t have the words to adequately express it’s influence or my gratitude for it. So, I thought instead to put together some of my favorite music, talks, and poems that helped me develop my own testimony of it. Hopefully these will touch you, too!

1. His Grace Is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox

I first heard this talk as a freshman in seminary. During that time, I was really trying to develop my own testimony of Christ’s Atonement and it’s influence in my own life. This talk helped me understand the nature of the Atonement better.

2. Renascence by Edna St. Vincent Millay

This poem is one of my favorites! It embodies the beauty of the Atonement and resurrection and God’s eternal plan perfectly. It takes us on a journey from the narrators limited scope of reality to her limitless view of eternity. There are so many parts of this poem that I love-and I could spend forever talking about it-but I especially love what Millay says in stanza 16. She beautifully captures all of the joys brought to us through Christ’s resurrection.

3. When I Survey The Wondrous Cross by Dan Forrest



We sang this song in our ward choir for our Easter program and I was so touched by the words “All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood” and “Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all.”



4. Because of Him

I watch this video every day. I’m so grateful for my Savior and the sacrifice He made for me.




Giving Up the Good

The last month has passed in a tumult of essays and exams and reviewing tedious grammar rules as I wrapped up the third quarter of junior year and prepped for the ACT. Information was thrown at me so quickly, and my brain was on overdrive, never having dealt with so much in so short a time frame. Needless to say, it was hectic, but some good did come of it.

There’s only so much one can balance at one time. I realized that it was impossible for me to do it all; some habits needed to change while others needed to be cut out altogether. I took a good, hard look at my life, how I spent my time, the thoughts that ran through my head, the conversations I had with others, and quickly noticed where much of the negativity, heartache, and overall dissatisfaction with my life stemmed from.

I wouldn’t say the things I did were “bad”. For me, the battle has never been between good and bad. For me, the battle lies between things that are good and things that are better.

I changed and cut out certain exercises in my daily regimen, and the impact it had on my life was amazing to see. My grades went up and my anxiety went down, and I was able to recenter my life and focus on what is most important.

One of my favorite quotes (and personal life mantra) is this one from John D. Rockefeller:

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”

So many of the things we do in this life are “good”, but we always seem to neglect or ignore the “great” that we could be doing instead. Perhaps it’s because we cling so much to the good and we don’t want to let go of it. Or maybe it’s because going for the “great” things scare us. What we need is the courage to let go of the good and run after the great.

I realized that many of the habits I had adopted into my life were ‘good’, there were other things that were ‘great’. Recognizing these things and fixing them changed the way I looked at my life and made me genuinely happier.

I’m not saying be reckless, but if you’re hanging on to a ‘good’ relationship or a ‘good’ job just because you don’t think something greater will come along, drop it and go find the great.

It’s out there.

And it might not be today, or tomorrow, or even next week, but eventually, SOMETHING GREAT WILL COME.

One last parting thought from D&C 25:10 :

“And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.”

P.S- Reading my blog is good, but reading your scriptures is great. ;)


This reminder is currently hanging above my desk where I can see it every day.




February 14-18: Valentine's Day and Las Vegas

 

I’m a lover of all holidays, but Valentine’s Day is really up there on the list of my favorites! I love all the pink and red that pop up around this time of year, and I’m all for spreading a little extra love in this world.

Valentine’s Day was pretty lowkey this year. It landed on a Thursday and sadly Valentines is not a holiday that we get off school (We don’t even pass out valentines anymore! Being a high schooler is no fun haha).

An anonymous boy in my student government class gave all the girls a valentine. I still don’t know who it was, but it was the sweetest gesture and it made my day!

I ended up going out for pizza and pasta with my family that night and watching Return to Me (such a cute movie!!), so overall it was a great February 14th.

That next Friday I drove to Las Vegas for the weekend to watch my cousin perform at her national cheer competition.

She did a phenomenal job and I’m so proud of her! It was so fun watching her do what she loves and has worked so hard at.

The rest of the weekend consisted of shopping, dinner at Joe’s (THE best!!!) and meeting up with some good friends. Nothing super exciting, but it was a weekend I’ll always remember.

 

Disney Cruise in the Caribbean

 

For Christmas 2018, we decided to go on a cruise instead of getting presents. Those are the kind of gifts I prefer, because you get an experience and an opportunity to make memories. I think that’s better than anything you could ever get under a tree.

We went on a Disney cruise to the Caribbean, and it was SO nice- the ports, the excursions, the service, all of it! Disney set the standard high, and I don’t think I’ll ever go on another cruise line. We were never bored on the ship. There was so much to do! Plus, there was free soft serve ice cream and Mickey bars! One night, all the adults went to a show and my siblings and cousins and I stayed in the suite to watch a movie. Boone and my cousin Ross wanted to order Mickey bars, but no one else wanted any, so I told them to call room service but only ask for 2 or 3. Next thing I know, Boone is on the phone, ‘Hi, can I get 7 Mickey bars?” It’s a really good thing our suite had a freezer!

Day 1: Tortola, British Virgin Islands

The first day we spent in the British Virgin Islands. We woke up early and watched the sunrise on the deck and it was beyond pretty. We hardly spent any time on the island of Tortola because we took a boat ride out to Virgin Gorda to visit The Baths there. The Baths are believed to have anti-aging properties, so many people would go there to bathe (hence the name). There’s a high chance that your face masks contain minerals from these Baths. You have to trudge through knee deep water and scale slippery boulders and I WOULD NOT recommend bring along an expensive camera. I almost dropped it in the water many times.

Day 2: Basseterre, St. Kitts

St. Kitts was one of my favorite parts of the cruise! We went zip lining through the rainforest with our tour guides Whip Cream and Sugar Daddy. Much love for them. St. Kitts had the prettiest views. You could see the island of Nevis from where we were zip lining and it was breathtaking!

Day 3: At Sea

We had to travel from St. Kitts down to Curacao, so we had a whole day on the ship. But it was much needed after all the physically exhausting activities we did in the first two ports. That night was Pirate Night where they do a big show/dance party on the top deck, complete with an appearance from Mickey and a full on fireworks show! Watching fireworks in the middle of the Caribbean sea is a moment I’ll never forget.

Day 4: Willemstad, Curacao

It was a busy day, starting in the Hato Caves and then heading to a fisherman’s beach to snorkel and swim with turtles! The smell was awful, but the beach is really pretty once you get past that. Swimming with the turtles was surreal! and holy cow, the water in Curacao is the prettiest shade of blue!

Playa Porto Mari. Much nicer than the fisherman’s beach, but it was a Dutch vacation hotspot. Very European- straight down to the old men in Speedos and cigar smoking.

Day 5: Oranjestad, Aruba

The final port. Aruba is a lot like Curacao, but less exciting for me. I was still drained from the snorkeling the day before in Curacao and didn’t do much in Aruba besides chill at the beach. I did ride in the banana boat, which got WILD!

A wonderful, wonderful trip. I was so sad to leave it, but so thankful for all the memories created and amazing people I met.

The Golden Mickeys. Think Golden Globes, but better.

We appreciate color coordinated outfits.

Bye, Disney Wonder.

 

The Pursuit of Happiness

 

“Quit looking forward to the next break in your life and just enjoy the Tuesdays before they run out.”

I think one thing we all have in common as humans is the idea of happiness. We all just want to be happy. The problem, I think, is that for so many of us, happiness always seems to be somewhere else.

I’ve seen this in myself. I’ll tell myself, “Oh, I’ll be happy when this school assignment is over”, “I’ll be happy when I have a boyfriend”, “I’ll be happy when I move out”.

I’ve been keeping a journal consistently since the 8th grade. I read through them often, and it’s weird seeing how different all those phases of my life were and how different I was. Life changes fast-and change is good, but wow it hurts. When I go through journal entries and photos from the past few years, I ache to go back to those moments. I ache to go back to 8th grade and watch episodes of Lost in my history teacher’s classroom during my lunch hour. I ache to go back to freshman year and play a round of tossups with my quiz bowl team. I ache to go back to last year, wear my annoying, meticulous AHA uniform and go to Sonic with my friends after school.

I told myself that I was happier then, and for so long, I spent my time wishing and hoping I could go back to those times.

“I’d be happy if I could go back.”

But I’m realizing now that it won’t be long until I move out and move on and ache to be where I am now.

I’ll miss going to school everyday and smiling at that cute boy on the way to third hour.

I’ll miss waiting in the parking lot of the sports complex for my brother to come running after his soccer practice.

I’ll miss living 5 minutes away from my best friend Hannah and our spontaneous Target trips.

I’ll miss hearing my sister pluck the piano keys of her new intricate Bach piece in the formal room.

I’ll miss going to church every Sunday and getting a hug from my Sunday school teacher after her lessons.

I’m beginning to realize that those things, those moments, however small and insignificant they may seem, make me happy. I’m beginning to realize that happiness isn’t just going to come to me. It won’t be something that I’ll haphazardly stumble upon one day in the future.

I’ve found happiness now- right where I am. And that’s something everyone ought to realize, sooner rather than later.

“We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant and truly see the things that matter most.”

a (very short) collection of tiny, happy moments:

ditching a ward party to jam out in the car. typical of kylie and me. freshman year

boone dressed up for church with his pocket square, lapel pin, a twisted tie, and 2 (TWO) watches. take notes, boys.

lake powell pit stop for ice cream and root beer floats.

bella, my best friend from that arts school in the mountains i went to freshman year.

one of our many, many shopping trips.

everytime scott and kylie come over, they bring a pile of books and ask me to read to them. don’t skip pages, they always know when you do.

hannah, a real one, who drove 25 minutes away to get me balloons at party city.

 

suns out, tounges out.

 

God is the Gardener

 

In a world that's constantly changing, I'm grateful for a gospel that's constant. 

My life has changed more in the past year than I ever thought possible. I've been to three schools, lived in three different houses & in two states, I've left friends, gained new friends, & laughed & cried through it all.

Coming to terms with God's plan for me was never easy. Prior to our decision to move to Arizona, I was thriving. I was so happy. & when we decided to move, I was heartbroken. For the first few months, I would pray to Heavenly Father & beg him to remove this trial from my life. I've come to learn that's not how God works.

I've come to learn a lot of things, actually. Trials will do that to you.

Most importantly, I've learned that God is the gardener & He knows the better way for us.

A few years ago in Sunday school, we were discussing pure love. We went over the basic kinds of love-sincerely complimenting someone or reaching out & serving someone, etc. But there was another kind of love that I hadn't heard of before- & that's loving someone enough to try them. When I heard this, I was astounded. Being tried is painful. How is that love?

& then I stumbled upon a talk by President Hugh B. Brown.

He told the story of his rundown farm in Canada. As he was tiding up the property, he found a currant bush that had grown quite big, but had yet to yield any berries. & so he pruned it, leaving small stumps. As he looked at the stumps, he seemed to see a tear on each one & thought he heard it say, "How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth...& now you have cut me down. How could you do it? I thought you were the gardener here." President Brown replied, "Look, little currant bush, I AM the gardener here, & I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. But, someday, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to think back & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'"

A few years later, President Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army & was in line to be promoted to general, a position he had worked & prayed for for so long. Although he was fully qualified for the position, he was denied it because he was a member of the church.

He left that office with an equal amount of sadness & bitterness in his heart. In the words of President Brown, "When I got to my tent, I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, & I shook them at heaven. I said, 'How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. How could you do this to me?'"

"& then I heard a voice. It sounded like my own voice, & the voice said, "I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. & someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'"

This story altered the way I viewed my situation. Up until that point, I sincerely thought that this was God's way of punishing me. I thought that Heavenly Father was putting trials in my path just to laugh at me when I stumbled. When I told this to one of my good friends, she replied with a profound statement that I'll never forget. She said, "Rylee, do you really believe in a God like that? Don't you think He hates seeing you sad & struggling? Don't you think He's not only crying for you, but WITH you?" She was right. Hadn't I grown up learning that I had a LOVING Father in Heaven that wanted to see me progress & reach my full potential?

So, acting on the small amount of faith I had left, trusting & relying solely on Heavenly Father & the Savior, I took a leap and ended up in Arizona.

I won't say that since that day, everything has been happy and easy; it hasn't. But I do know that Heavenly Father loves me, & wants me here.

A week after I moved here, I prayed one last time for confirmation that I had done the right thing. & the only thing that ran through my mind was this:

"I am the gardener here. & I know where I want you to go. & someday, you're going to look back & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down.

For loving me enough to hurt me.'"

 

 

Gary and Hannah's Baptism

 

This last weekend, my cousins Hannah and Gary got baptized! I'm so happy for them and so proud of them!

 
 

Kennedy and I had youth camp the whole week before and we were exhausted! We woke up at 5am to drive up to their baptism at 9. I'm so glad that I live closer to them(and my other cousins) now that I'm in Arizona!!

After the baptism at the church, we went to their house where we had brunch and went swimming and had a little program.

My grandparents talked about baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. They played a video clip of my great-grandpa Jensen speaking about his baptism and the importance of the Holy Ghost in his life. That video was taken at my sisters baptism, just a few months before he passed away in 2013. It was a special video to watch, and I'm grateful that someone had the idea to record and keep it.

Later that night we went to Pinnacle Peak. It's a cute little park that has rides, and shows and a restaurant. It's cowboy/western themed, and Gary LOVES everything having to do with cowboys and rodeos and the wild west(John Wayne is his icon, haha). The food wasn't that great, BUT the gun show was super cute.

I'm so glad I made the move to Arizona! I love being closer to my family!! It's sad to think that I only have one summer left at home before i move out and go on my own, so I'm grateful for the time I have to be with them now.

"Oh, brothers and sisters, families can be forever! Do not let the lures of the moment draw you away from them! Divinity, eternity, and family - they go together, hand in hand, and so must we!" -Spencer W. Kimball