I am innately good.

I’ve always understood that I have two identities: a human identity & an eternal identity. But I often get frustrated when the two don’t match up. I struggle to intentionally choose to believe in my innate & inherent value & goodness.

In speaking of the Pauline theology of the natural man, Brigham Young said,

“It is fully proved in all the revelations that God has ever given to mankind that they naturally love and admire righteousness, justice and truth more than they do evil. It is, however, universally received by professors of religion as a Scriptural doctrine that man is naturally opposed to God. Paul says, in his Epistle to the Corinthians, ‘But the natural man receiveth not the things of God,’ but I say it is the unnatural ‘man that receiveth not the things of God.’... The natural man is of God. We are the natural sons and daughters of our natural parents, and spiritually we are the natural children of the Father of light and natural heirs to his kingdom; and when we do an evil, we do it in opposition to the promptings of the Spirit of Truth that is within us. Man, the noblest work of God, was in his creation designed for an endless duration, for which the love of all good was incorporated in his nature. It was never designed that he should naturally do and love evil. When our first parents fell from their paradisiacal state, they were brought in contact with influences and powers of evil that are unnatural and stand in opposition to an endless life. So far as mankind yield to these influences, they are so far removed from a natural to an unnatural state—from life to death.”

— (Complete Discourses of Brigham Young Vol. 4, 2020)

It’s a tactic of the adversary to make us believe that we are bad, that we are unworthy, that it is not naturally within us to do good.

But we are innately good.

Further reading:

“Our Identity and Our Destiny” Tad R. Callister (devotional address)

“Our Identity” Mind. Body. Purpose. (podcast)

“He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home” Dieter F. Uchtdorf (conference talk)

“Roots and Branches” Russell M. Nelson (conference talk)

Holy Week: Prelude

With Holy Week beginning tomorrow, I’ve begun studying the actions of Jesus Christ during the last week of His life. Though His imminent death was quickly approaching, Jesus, being the perfect and selfless Savior that He is, continued teaching, ministering, and serving those around Him during this final week of His mortal life.

Raising Lazarus From The Dead, Carl Bloch

One of the most touching examples of this occurs in John 11. In this chapter, Jesus travels to the town of Bethany, just outside of Jerusalem. He was called by Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters, who tell him that Lazarus is sick. By the time He reaches Bethany, Lazarus has been dead for four days.

The sisters desperately wanted Jesus to heal Lazarus, and the pain and sorrow of waiting for the Savior’s arrival, but ultimately losing their brother was likely near heartbreaking. In verse 20, we read:

“20 Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him: but Mary sat still in the house.”

Though both were grieving, they handled this grief in different ways, as we see here. One came running, the other waited.

“21 Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

22 But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.

23 Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

24 Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day.

25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live

26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

27 She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.”

In this interaction, Jesus reminded Martha of doctrine, inviting her to testify, even if it was simply to herself. He spoke with Martha, providing words of peace and comfort.

He then goes to Mary.

“32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping....he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said, Lord, come and see.

35 Jesus wept.”

Jesus wept.

He didn’t try to console her like He had Martha, but still seeing her overcome with grief, He cried with Mary.

Not only does this example show that Christ has endless compassion, empathy, and love for us, it shows that He knows us and understands us. Jesus taught Martha. Jesus wept with Mary. He ministered differently to each of them, according to their needs, but both are acts of His profound love.

Similarly, He knows us, so personally, intimately, and individually that He knows how to perfectly minister and reach out to us.

Jesus Wept, James Tissot

For further reading:

John 11 (the chapter in it’s entirety)

Lazarus Is Raised from the Dead (video)

Rob Gardener’s I Am the Resurrection (song)

Cape Coast, Ghana

The post you are currently reading is my 4th attempt at conveying the many ways in which three weeks in Ghana impacted me.

Who would have thought that an impulse decision made on a leap of faith would be so significant and completely alter the course of my life.

In all honesty, I didn’t choose Ghana for my HEFY expedition. Although I wanted to go on a trip with HEFY, it didn’t seem logical to spend my last summer at home in a third-world country when I should be studying for the ACT and prepping for senior year and university admissions and adulthood. But sitting in sacrament meeting one rainy Sunday, I thought, “just go”. So I got registered, waitlisted, and left the rest completely up to fate.

It would be 4 weeks before I learned that I would be serving in Cape Coast, Ghana, and I cried because I really felt that was where I was meant to be. 

And thus began my love affair with the country and people of Ghana.

Three things learned in three weeks:

Gratitude

The first weekend hit me with a wave of homesickness and anxiety to the point that I spent the second night in Ghana on the bathroom floor vomiting (and having no contact with family and friends made it that much worse).I thought for sure I would be sent home. But thanks to a heartfelt priesthood blessing and the support of my group (truly the greatest group, I lucked out!), I stayed. I’m so grateful I was able to overcome that and carry out the service I had intended to do.

I learned quickly that you really do have to be grateful for what you have. I couldn’t think about the comforts and luxuries I enjoyed at home, because it only intensified the homesickness. I couldn’t think about my warm shower, I had to learn to be grateful to have running water at all (even though it was cold and unclean and I had to shower with a bucket). I learned to be grateful for electricity, even though the rooms were so dimly lit, because there were so many that didn’t even have that. I learned to be grateful for the food, even though the meals were so foreign and some unfavorable, because there were so many who struggled to get even one meal a day. I learned to be grateful for somewhat warm, hose-tasting water, because clean, purified water was a rarity in the area. 

When you take the time to recognize it , there is SO much to be grateful for, regardless of however messy the circumstances may be.

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions”

— Mosiah 24:14

Building a Foundation

As the first group to tackle this project, we were tasked with building the foundation. We left the site everyday completely exhausted and sore and fatigued from the physical labor. We dug deep to make trenches and exerted so much energy to mix and pour concrete, only to have our hard work leveled out and covered up.

It reminded me of that primary song about the wise man building his house upon a rock. Building your house on a rock isn’t as easy and straightforward as that song makes it seem. You really have to dig deep. You have to dig away the dirt of sins and distractions and temptations until you get to the solid bedrock, and then you can build from there. It’s not a one-time thing or something you can accomplish overnight. It takes strength and endurance and faith and lots of time spent digging and working for it.

It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that no one would ever actually see the work we had done, and to many, it may look like we did absolutely nothing since it would all eventually just be covered up. But that foundation is the most important part. Without it, nothing else matters, because everything else would fall apart.

It made me wonder. What was my foundation? What was I building my life and my testimony on? 

At the end of the day, if we don’t have a firm foundation built on Christ, nothing else matters, because without it, everything else falls apart.

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”

— Helaman 5:12

The Light of Christ

There’s one thing that I will always remember about Ghana, and that’s the light. It’s hard to explain it if you haven’t felt it. 

In a place where people have so little, they give so much, and there’s so much light in them. 

One lady brought us coconuts on the worksite, which to us just looked like a kind gesture, but to her was a sacrifice. That was her livelihood.

The owner of the restauraunt we visited heard about the service we were doing and didn’t charge us for our meal.

One man came to work with us on the worksite every afternoon, unpaid and usually without shoes because his flip flips had holes in them.

“But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.”

— Moroni 7:13

I learned so much about love, kindness, sacrifice, and dedication in the three weeks I was there. The kindest, most hard-working people I’ve ever known are in Cape Coast, Ghana, and I’ll forever remember them.

So medaase, Ghana. I love you.

Women in Ghana carry everything on their heads.

Digging and digging and digging…

…and more digging

The all-girls cement mixing team. The boys could neverrrr

Sunday walks to church

This is Zuri. She called me Mother Ry, but with her accent it sounded more like “MuddaWy”. She was always by my side. Even at the worksite, she would climb into a wheelbarrow next to where I was laying bricks and watch until I was done and we could play again. I miss her so, so much.

This is Olivia. The first thing she said to me was, “You are beautiful!” She always came to hang with us at the worksite when her school got out for the day.

The worksite

Remember when I said they carry EVERYTHING on their heads?

Easter Thoughts

I wanted to create a nice posts about the Atonement and resurrection of Christ, but I don’t have the words to adequately express it’s influence or my gratitude for it. So, I thought instead to put together some of my favorite music, talks, and poems that helped me develop my own testimony of it. Hopefully these will touch you, too!

1. His Grace Is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox

I first heard this talk as a freshman in seminary. During that time, I was really trying to develop my own testimony of Christ’s Atonement and it’s influence in my own life. This talk helped me understand the nature of the Atonement better.

2. Renascence by Edna St. Vincent Millay

This poem is one of my favorites! It embodies the beauty of the Atonement and resurrection and God’s eternal plan perfectly. It takes us on a journey from the narrators limited scope of reality to her limitless view of eternity. There are so many parts of this poem that I love-and I could spend forever talking about it-but I especially love what Millay says in stanza 16. She beautifully captures all of the joys brought to us through Christ’s resurrection.

3. When I Survey The Wondrous Cross by Dan Forrest

We sang this song in our ward choir for our Easter program and I was so touched by the words “All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood” and “Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all.”

4. Because of Him

I watch this video every day. I’m so grateful for my Savior and the sacrifice He made for me.

Giving Up the Good

The last month has passed in a tumult of essays and exams and reviewing tedious grammar rules as I wrapped up the third quarter of junior year and prepped for the ACT. Information was thrown at me so quickly, and my brain was on overdrive, never having dealt with so much in so short a time frame. Needless to say, it was hectic, but some good did come of it.

There’s only so much one can balance at one time. I realized that it was impossible for me to do it all; some habits needed to change while others needed to be cut out altogether. I took a good, hard look at my life, how I spent my time, the thoughts that ran through my head, the conversations I had with others, and quickly noticed where much of the negativity, heartache, and overall dissatisfaction with my life stemmed from.

I wouldn’t say the things I did were “bad”. For me, the battle has never been between good and bad. For me, the battle lies between things that are good and things that are better.

I changed and cut out certain exercises in my daily regimen, and the impact it had on my life was amazing to see. My grades went up and my anxiety went down, and I was able to recenter my life and focus on what is most important.

One of my favorite quotes (and personal life mantra) is this one from John D. Rockefeller:

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”

So many of the things we do in this life are “good”, but we always seem to neglect or ignore the “great” that we could be doing instead. Perhaps it’s because we cling so much to the good and we don’t want to let go of it. Or maybe it’s because going for the “great” things scare us. What we need is the courage to let go of the good and run after the great.

I realized that many of the habits I had adopted into my life were ‘good’, there were other things that were ‘great’. Recognizing these things and fixing them changed the way I looked at my life and made me genuinely happier.

I’m not saying be reckless, but if you’re hanging on to a ‘good’ relationship or a ‘good’ job just because you don’t think something greater will come along, drop it and go find the great.

It’s out there.

And it might not be today, or tomorrow, or even next week, but eventually, SOMETHING GREAT WILL COME.

One last parting thought from D&C 25:10 :

“And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.”

P.S- Reading my blog is good, but reading your scriptures is great. ;)

This reminder is currently hanging above my desk where I can see it every day.

God is the Gardener

In a world that's constantly changing, I'm grateful for a gospel that's constant. 

My life has changed more in the past year than I ever thought possible. I've been to three schools, lived in three different houses & in two states, I've left friends, gained new friends, & laughed & cried through it all.

Coming to terms with God's plan for me was never easy. Prior to our decision to move to Arizona, I was thriving. I was so happy. & when we decided to move, I was heartbroken. For the first few months, I would pray to Heavenly Father & beg him to remove this trial from my life. I've come to learn that's not how God works.

I've come to learn a lot of things, actually. Trials will do that to you.

Most importantly, I've learned that God is the gardener & He knows the better way for us.

A few years ago in Sunday school, we were discussing pure love. We went over the basic kinds of love-sincerely complimenting someone or reaching out & serving someone, etc. But there was another kind of love that I hadn't heard of before- & that's loving someone enough to try them. When I heard this, I was astounded. Being tried is painful. How is that love?

& then I stumbled upon a talk by President Hugh B. Brown.

He told the story of his rundown farm in Canada. As he was tiding up the property, he found a currant bush that had grown quite big, but had yet to yield any berries. & so he pruned it, leaving small stumps. As he looked at the stumps, he seemed to see a tear on each one & thought he heard it say, "How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth...& now you have cut me down. How could you do it? I thought you were the gardener here." President Brown replied, "Look, little currant bush, I AM the gardener here, & I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. But, someday, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to think back & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'"

A few years later, President Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army & was in line to be promoted to general, a position he had worked & prayed for for so long. Although he was fully qualified for the position, he was denied it because he was a member of the church.

He left that office with an equal amount of sadness & bitterness in his heart. In the words of President Brown, "When I got to my tent, I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, & I shook them at heaven. I said, 'How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. How could you do this to me?'"

"& then I heard a voice. It sounded like my own voice, & the voice said, "I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. & someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.'"

This story altered the way I viewed my situation. Up until that point, I sincerely thought that this was God's way of punishing me. I thought that Heavenly Father was putting trials in my path just to laugh at me when I stumbled. When I told this to one of my good friends, she replied with a profound statement that I'll never forget. She said, "Rylee, do you really believe in a God like that? Don't you think He hates seeing you sad & struggling? Don't you think He's not only crying for you, but WITH you?" She was right. Hadn't I grown up learning that I had a LOVING Father in Heaven that wanted to see me progress & reach my full potential?

So, acting on the small amount of faith I had left, trusting & relying solely on Heavenly Father & the Savior, I took a leap and ended up in Arizona.

I won't say that since that day, everything has been happy and easy; it hasn't. But I do know that Heavenly Father loves me, & wants me here.

A week after I moved here, I prayed one last time for confirmation that I had done the right thing. & the only thing that ran through my mind was this:

"I am the gardener here. & I know where I want you to go. & someday, you're going to look back & say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down.

For loving me enough to hurt me.'"

Gary and Hannah's Baptism

This last weekend, my cousins Hannah and Gary got baptized! I'm so happy for them and so proud of them!

Kennedy and I had youth camp the whole week before and we were exhausted! We woke up at 5am to drive up to their baptism at 9. I'm so glad that I live closer to them(and my other cousins) now that I'm in Arizona!!

After the baptism at the church, we went to their house where we had brunch and went swimming and had a little program.

My grandparents talked about baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. They played a video clip of my great-grandpa Jensen speaking about his baptism and the importance of the Holy Ghost in his life. That video was taken at my sisters baptism, just a few months before he passed away in 2013. It was a special video to watch, and I'm grateful that someone had the idea to record and keep it.

Later that night we went to Pinnacle Peak. It's a cute little park that has rides, and shows and a restaurant. It's cowboy/western themed, and Gary LOVES everything having to do with cowboys and rodeos and the wild west(John Wayne is his icon, haha). The food wasn't that great, BUT the gun show was super cute.

I'm so glad I made the move to Arizona! I love being closer to my family!! It's sad to think that I only have one summer left at home before i move out and go on my own, so I'm grateful for the time I have to be with them now.

"Oh, brothers and sisters, families can be forever! Do not let the lures of the moment draw you away from them! Divinity, eternity, and family - they go together, hand in hand, and so must we!" -Spencer W. Kimball

Arizona

Sooo 

Kylie and I went to Arizona.

It was great, but it didn’t start so great. When we fly, we only fly Southwest. I mean, who would pass up free wifi AND free snacks and drinks?! But roundtrip on Southwest came out to be almost $300, so we ended up booking through Allegiant. I was skeptical about it, but I told myself it would be ok. The flight was only an hour tops.

WELLL….

At 7:00, we were lined up to board the plane, and we were SO excited. Then they came on the intercom and told us that our flight was DELAYED until 10:45!!!! We were so disappointed and so sad! We found seats near an outlet and lived off Dr. Pepper, Sour Patch Kids and vines for a few hours.

We didn’t take off until a little after 11:00. That flight felt like it went by so fast, and good thing too! We were so tired! We touched down in Arizona at midnight, but didn’t get to the house until 1:00 in the morning and we had to be up early for a leadership conference.

I didn’t really want to go to the conference. I thought there would be lots of nerdy people there, but everyone was WAY COOL, and I’m glad I went. It covered so many aspects from choices and goal-setting to starting a business to finances. Pretty much anything you can think of. 10/10 recommend. (If you’re interested, you can find more information here)

After the conference, Kylie and I went house hunting cause she’s moving to AZ, too!!!(jk, but I wish). In Vegas all the houses look exactly the same. I guess the architects and builders started running out of ideas?? It was fun walking around my own neighborhood in Arizona looking at all the cute houses. Lots of people there own horses, too, which is so foreign to me, but also so awesome!

On Sunday, we went to church. I lucked out with THE BEST ward! Everyone was so friendly and welcoming! I was beyond nervous to go because I knew absolutely NO ONE. One of the young women leaders said, “Oh my goodness, hi! We’re so happy to have you!!” and I seriously almost cried happy tears! 

We had a combined young men/young women lesson and we talked a little about perfection. Perfection is a tricky thing. It’s something that I’ve tried so hard to achieve, but I’ve always fallen short and I find myself getting frustrated over it often. Our leader defined it in a way that I hadn’t ever heard before, but really liked. She said that perfection is striving to be better today than you were yesterday. It’s okay to fail and fall short, but you have to get right back up again and work harder.

"If you make a mistake, don’t give up on yourself. Your Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to seek His help and keep trying."